Ah, Jason.

In 2003, I was a security guard. I didn’t care for the job but I needed to pay my rent. One day, they hired this new guy, Jason. So, one day this giant oaf walks into the guardhouse ready to work. He was young so at least that was good for me (older people are cranky.) He was bizarre. He bragged too much and had outlandish claims. So, I stayed very far away from this character but he always seemed to find me. He always wanted to talk about anything and I found his stories to be too eccentric.

He stated that he had found a meteorite in his back yard after it had almost him in the head after falling from space. There was also a story of him hunting for deer but somehow he managed to kill a squirrel instead that was running up a try. He said that he had stabbed it with a knife while sitting on the ground! I don’t know if that’s even possible. I guess.

This guy really bothered me the first few months of working together. He seemed a clown destined for stupidity and lies for the rest of his days. But one day, my feelings changed for this man. I look back at my time with this man and I say with the utmost honesty and conviction: Jason is a genius! Comedy gold! As my other friend stated, “He is the shogun of sweet. The clown prince.” Yet, it is also true that he is extremely intelligent and perceptive beyond his years.

This is how that change came to pass. One day, as I sat reading a book on top of a hill, I watched him drive the security van around a building. He was down bellow driving in circles knowing full well that I was watching. He employed the use of the security van’s PA system to blast a ringtone of a chicken screaming “Bwok, bwok, bwok.” I saw this happen, people. I was there.

At first I thought it stupid. But after 20 or so minutes of doing this I saw his brilliance. From that moment on he kind of won me over. I’d like to say that I calmed him down a bit and this helped the two of us to remain friends. This man, this mastermind of silliness is a true testament to what is good in this world. Yes, he stole a 25-pound turkey and fed it to his family for Thanksgiving but yet has the compassion to care for his friends and family with the utmost sensitivity. I’m proud to say I have shared an enduring friendship with Jason. We are still friends to this day.